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Five, ten and forty years on: the secret to staying married

While there’s no formula for happily-ever-after, there are a few universal truths. Here, three couples share their lessons in long-lasting love

25 AUGUST 2026

by Chloe Laws

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After the enthralling noise of my wedding earlier this summer, I’ve never felt more contemplative about what, in today’s world, actually builds a long and successful marriage. The day itself was filled with highs: the dress I was genuinely obsessed with and would wear every day if it were at all practical; the jewellery I spent hours deciding on; the food from a local market stall we visit every week.

But what about the marriage part?

While the prescriptiveness of what a married life should look like has shifted over recent decades, one thing remains true: a relationship at five years is very different from one of fifty. Who you are as individuals - and as a couple - will shift in a myriad of ways.

Curious about what the real foundations of lasting-love actually look like, I spoke to three women at different stages of marriage to find out the unexpected ways they’ve kept love alive through the decades.

After the enthralling noise of my wedding earlier this summer, I’ve never felt more contemplative about what, in today’s world, actually builds a long and successful marriage. The day itself was filled with highs: the dress I was genuinely obsessed with and would wear every day if it were at all practical; the jewellery I spent hours deciding on; the food from a local market stall we visit every week.

But what about the marriage part? While the prescriptiveness of what a married life should look like has shifted over recent decades, one thing remains true: a relationship at five years is very different from one of fifty. Who you are as individuals - and as a couple - will shift in a myriad of ways.

Curious about what the real foundations of lasting-love actually look like, I spoke to three women at different stages of marriage to find out the unexpected ways they’ve kept love alive through the decades.

“Wait, do people stop having arguments?! We haven't, but we do understand what makes each other tick more”

Lucy & Anthony*: 5 years married

The wedding isn’t the finish line

Five years in, Lucy’s biggest surprise has been realising the wedding day was only the beginning of forming a partnership. “I always assumed you learnt the most about each other while dating. In reality, you learn so much more as you do life together. I’ve seen a whole new side to Anthony since becoming parents, like how caring and encouraging he can be, which I don't think I appreciated before.”

Arguments won’t disappear - they’ll evolve
When I ask if there are any arguments she's pleased they've left behind, Lucy laughs: “Wait, do people stop having arguments?! We haven't, but we do understand what makes each other tick more. You accept the silly little things that used to niggle you - like what should and shouldn't go in the dishwasher - and the arguments evolve as your lives do. But I think it's totally normal to still argue.”

Two TVs might save your marriage
Sometimes, the most practical advice is the best. “Get two TVs,” she says. While Netflix-for-two has its place, Lucy admits: “It's also really nice to have some time apart to watch your own crap on TV, too. I don't think there should be any guilt for wanting some time to yourself.”

“Wait, do people stop having arguments?! We haven't, but we do understand what makes each other tick more”

“It's also really nice to have some time apart to watch your own crap on TV, too. I don't think there should be any guilt for wanting some time to yourself.”

Cath and Dave, who celebrate their 40 year wedding anniversary this year

Lucy & Anthony*: 5 years married

The wedding isn’t the finish line

Five years in, Lucy’s biggest surprise has been realising the wedding day was only the beginning of forming a partnership. “I always assumed you learnt the most about each other while dating. In reality, you learn so much more as you do life together. I’ve seen a whole new side to Anthony since becoming parents, like how caring and encouraging he can be, which I don't think I appreciated before.”

Arguments won’t disappear - they’ll evolve
When I ask if there are any arguments she's pleased they've left behind, Lucy laughs: “Wait, do people stop having arguments?! We haven't, but we do understand what makes each other tick more. You accept the silly little things that used to niggle you - like what should and shouldn't go in the dishwasher - and the arguments evolve as your lives do. But I think it's totally normal to still argue.”

Two TVs might save your marriage
Sometimes, the most practical advice is the best. “Get two TVs,” she says. While Netflix-for-two has its place, Lucy admits: “It's also really nice to have some time apart to watch your own crap on TV, too. I don't think there should be any guilt for wanting some time to yourself.”

Lily & Louis: 10 years married

Marriage shouldn’t shrink your world

For Lily, one of the biggest misconceptions about marriage is that it means losing your autonomy. “Friends would ask whether I'd still go on holiday with my friends, or even by myself. But we've always done those things. We travel together, we travel with groups of friends, and we still travel separately sometimes too. If anything, we probably do it more now because we're secure.”

Real romance is surprisingly practical
The longer they’ve been together, the more Lily has realised that love is less about grand gestures and more about paying attention. Through periods of ill health and difficult days, Louis has shown his caring nature in small, instinctive ways: calling to ask what time she’ll be home after a long day so dinner is ready when she walks through the door, or sending flowers when she’s feeling down. “It’s those little things,” she says. “Always knowing which seat I want to sit on on a bus or a train; if there are two different forks, instinctively knowing which I want.”

The best relationships expand you

A decade into marriage, Lily believes one of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is understanding what fills their cup - and what drains them. “Louis and I are definitely the archetype of opposites attracting,” she says. “I'm a huge extrovert and get all my energy from being around people, while he's much more introverted and needs quiet time to recharge.” Over the years, they’ve learnt to become more rounded versions of themselves: Lily has become better at enjoying the quieter moments, while Louis has become more comfortable in social settings.

Cath & Dave: 40 years married

Marriage has seasons
Looking back on the early years of her marriage, Cath remembers how full-on life was. “At our tenth anniversary, we still had four young children,” she says. “Dave was busy with the businesses, and I was busy bringing the kids up.” Today, with their children grown up, “it's just the two of us again. We're just enjoying our time together without the stresses of the kids.” Life stage, she believes, has changed their relationship more than anything else. “We have more time for each other now.”

Never stop dating (each other)
However busy life became, one thing remained non-negotiable: prioritising date night. “We’d get a babysitter and make sure we went out once a fortnight,” Cath says. “I think that's really important - you lose yourselves otherwise.” Sometimes, the secret sauce is actually incredibly simple. “Never stop having fun together.”

Marry your biggest fan
The longer Cath has been married, the less she’s valued perfection and the more she’s appreciated having a teammate. “At the beginning, you think it's going to be perfect all the time - like a bed of roses,” she says. “But that’s not life. You’ll face ups and downs but you have to stick together, work as a team and ride the storm.” When I ask what she appreciates most about Dave today, her answer is immediate: “He's just always been my rock. He's always had my back on everything.”

Lily & Louis: 10 years married

Marriage shouldn’t shrink your world

For Lily, one of the biggest misconceptions about marriage is that it means losing your autonomy. “Friends would ask whether I'd still go on holiday with my friends, or even by myself. But we've always done those things. We travel together, we travel with groups of friends, and we still travel separately sometimes too. If anything, we probably do it more now because we're secure.”

Real romance is surprisingly practical
The longer they’ve been together, the more Lily has realised that love is less about grand gestures and more about paying attention. Through periods of ill health and difficult days, Louis has shown his caring nature in small, instinctive ways: calling to ask what time she’ll be home after a long day so dinner is ready when she walks through the door, or sending flowers when she’s feeling down. “It’s those little things,” she says. “Always knowing which seat I want to sit on on a bus or a train; if there are two different forks, instinctively knowing which I want.”

The best relationships expand you

A decade into marriage, Lily believes one of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is understanding what fills their cup - and what drains them. “Louis and I are definitely the archetype of opposites attracting,” she says. “I'm a huge extrovert and get all my energy from being around people, while he's much more introverted and needs quiet time to recharge.” Over the years, they’ve learnt to become more rounded versions of themselves: Lily has become better at enjoying the quieter moments, while Louis has become more comfortable in social settings.

Sometimes, the secret sauce is actually incredibly simple. “Never stop having fun together.”

Cath & Dave: 40 years married

Marriage has seasons
Looking back on the early years of her marriage, Cath remembers how full-on life was. “At our tenth anniversary, we still had four young children,” she says. “Dave was busy with the businesses, and I was busy bringing the kids up.” Today, with their children grown up, “it's just the two of us again. We're just enjoying our time together without the stresses of the kids.” Life stage, she believes, has changed their relationship more than anything else. “We have more time for each other now.”

Never stop dating (each other)
However busy life became, one thing remained non-negotiable: prioritising date night. “We’d get a babysitter and make sure we went out once a fortnight,” Cath says. “I think that's really important - you lose yourselves otherwise.” Sometimes, the secret sauce is actually incredibly simple. “Never stop having fun together.”

Marry your biggest fan
The longer Cath has been married, the less she’s valued perfection and the more she’s appreciated having a teammate. “At the beginning, you think it's going to be perfect all the time - like a bed of roses,” she says. “But that’s not life. You’ll face ups and downs but you have to stick together, work as a team and ride the storm.” When I ask what she appreciates most about Dave today, her answer is immediate: “He's just always been my rock. He's always had my back on everything.”