Image Alex Wysocki Photography

Family matters: weddings bring families together. But what if yours would rather stay apart?

Weddings are supposed to bring families together. But for divorced and blended families, that can be easier said than done. Katie O’Malley explores

22 SEPTEMBER 2026

by Katie O'Malley

Image: Alex Wysocki Photography

Divorce. Affairs. Drunken tears. They’re not the ‘guests’ you'd expect to see on a wedding day, and yet ugly family dramas often have a habit of crashing the party.

Weddings promise a day when love trumps all. For blended and divorced families, however, they can just as easily become a minefield of old grievances and seating diplomacy, where even the smallest decision risks triggering a full-blown political mess.

Family structures have changed dramatically since many traditional wedding roles were established, but the etiquette hasn’t always caught up. Who walks you down the aisle when you have a father and a stepfather? Where do you seat divorced parents who haven’t spoken in years?

It's why wedding forums have become a hotbed for brides desperately seeking advice on how to manage warring parents. “I have divorced parents who hate each other to a point where one had a restraining order against the other,” writes one on Reddit, while another says that even her therapist agreed she shouldn’t invite her mother to her big day. The recommendations vary in extremity too, from suggestions to use grandparents as ‘human body shields’ to separate parents at tables to hiring security to intervene on the day.

Couples have long since ditched outdated wedding conventions in favour of whatever actually suits their relationship, style and values - doughnut towers instead of wedding cakes and Charli xcx-inspired silver cigarette platters instead of favours. Authenticity has won out over obligation everywhere, it seems, except the family tree.

There's no etiquette handbook that accounts for parents who haven't laid eyes on each other for two decades, or a stepmother nobody wants at the top table. The couples who navigate it best don't follow a script; they build family members' roles and rituals around the relationships they actually have, not the hierarchy they assume they're meant to follow.

Divorce. Affairs. Drunken tears. They’re not the ‘guests’ you'd expect to see on a wedding day, and yet ugly family dramas often have a habit of crashing the party.

Weddings promise a day when love trumps all. For blended and divorced families, however, they can just as easily become a minefield of old grievances and seating diplomacy, where even the smallest decision risks triggering a full-blown political mess.

Family structures have changed dramatically since many traditional wedding roles were established, but the etiquette hasn’t always caught up. Who walks you down the aisle when you have a father and a stepfather? Where do you seat divorced parents who haven’t spoken in years?

It's why wedding forums have become a hotbed for brides desperately seeking advice on how to manage warring parents. “I have divorced parents who hate each other to a point where one had a restraining order against the other,” writes one on Reddit, while another says that even her therapist agreed she shouldn’t invite her mother to her big day. The recommendations vary in extremity too, from suggestions to use grandparents as ‘human body shields’ to separate parents at tables to hiring security to intervene on the day.

Couples have long since ditched outdated wedding conventions in favour of whatever actually suits their relationship, style and values - doughnut towers instead of wedding cakes and Charli xcx-inspired silver cigarette platters instead of favours. Authenticity has won out over obligation everywhere, it seems, except the family tree.

There's no etiquette handbook that accounts for parents who haven't laid eyes on each other for two decades, or a stepmother nobody wants at the top table. The couples who navigate it best don't follow a script; they build family members' roles and rituals around the relationships they actually have, not the hierarchy they assume they're meant to follow.

One suggestion was to use grandparents as ‘human body shields’ to separate parents at tables

Both Hailey and Justin Bieber's parents are divorced. All attended the wedding amicably.

The aisle walk

Walk yourself down, sashay arm in arm with both parents, or skip the aisle altogether: there’s no longer one correct way to make an entrance, especially when family politics are involved.

*Sarah's parents separated when she was a child and her mum later remarried. Her stepdad has played an integral role in her life for more than 30 years, but having her biological father walk her down the aisle at her Berkshire wedding in 2019 was “non-negotiable”.

Her solution was to give her stepdad a different role, asking him to walk her nephews down the aisle instead of her bridesmaids. This allowed her to acknowledge both relationships without making either feel diminished.

It would've been *Isla's dream to have had both her father and stepdad walk her down the aisle at her London wedding in 2020, but she worried about upsetting her dad. “I see videos where a dad and stepdad share the aisle and I well up,” she says. “It's so sweet.”

Instead, she found a quieter way to honour her stepfather years later: her son's middle name is an English translation of his name, unbeknownst to her father. “If something is done quietly, [my dad] usually doesn't notice or lets it go,” she laughs.

The seating plan

The traditional top table can turn an already delicate family dynamic into a particularly public seating puzzle. The good news? There’s no reason to have one, with many couples now opting for sweetheart tables, long banquet-style formations, or rounds hosted by the wedding party.

At *Becky's East London wedding in July 2021, all 38 guests sat on one long table. Her parents, who hadn't been in the same room since they were in court, were placed at opposite ends - and crucially, “not in direct eye contact”.

Isla adopted a similar strategy. Her parents “don't talk and have no relationship” following an affair, and hadn't seen each other since her graduation a decade earlier. “It had all the makings of a sh*t show,” she admits. “But it was fine in the end.”

“Throw out the concept of a head table. It complicates things massively,” advises Becky. “And if one parent hasn't re-partnered, let them bring a friend so they're not sitting alone.”

Family photos and speeches

Family photos can expose tensions surprisingly quickly. Rather than trying to engineer combinations because convention says so, Becky recommends following a simple rule: “Create a one-on-one moment with each parent instead, while the other is distracted,” she suggests.

When it comes to speeches, Sarah felt comfortable enough asking both her father and stepfather to speak at different points during the reception. “It was funny hearing the different memories they had of me,” she says, noting that it helped that she didn't also have a stepmother to add into the mix.

Isla planned for only her father to give a speech, but weddings have a funny habit of upending even the best laid plans. A few glasses of wine in, her stepdad stood up and gave an impromptu - and “amazing” - speech of his own. “It was lovely and more personal than my dad's, but I felt bad for him. I had no idea it was coming,” she says. “Weddings trigger the weirdest behaviour in people and you often can't predict from whom.”

Managing expectations

In an ideal world, you'd sit your family down before the big day, explain your decisions and have them respected. But Becky found upfront conversations about the wedding format bred more anxiety and arguments than they solved.

If she had her time again, she would appoint a trusted relative to run interference instead, “so the parents go to them, not the couple, and then you get to actually enjoy it all.”

Sarah recommends a similarly hands-off approach: communicate decisions rather than opening every one up for negotiation.

“My philosophy is that someone is always going to kick off,” says Isla. “If you expect a few bumps in the road, it makes everything a bit easier.”

Traditional wedding etiquette was designed to make celebrations easier to navigate. When it starts doing the opposite, perhaps the most useful rule is knowing when to ignore it.

After all, there's no wedding rulebook that fits every family - only the version that reflects the relationships you actually have.

*Names have been changed to avoid adding fuel to the family drama fire.

When Kate Hudson married Chris Robinson in 2000, Kurt Russell (who helped raise Kate from childhood) walked her down the aisle. Her biological father, Bill Hudson, was not in attendance. Image sourced via Pinterest